Coronavirus in Oklahoma: Oklahoma City to implement shelter-in-place orderLive updates: Latest information on coronavirus in OklahomaCOVID-19 in Oklahoma: 377 positive cases, 15 dead

NewsOK: Oklahoma City News, Sports, Weather & Entertainment

20-40-60 Etiquette---Is one thank you enough?


By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: I have attended a string of parties over the past few months. I usually bring a host/hostess gift as the situation dictates. I also include a gift card and short sentence of thanks. Is it necessary to follow-up and mail a separate thank-you note?

CALLIE'S ANSWER: It isn't necessary, but I am sure it would be just as thoughtful. Throwing a party is a lot of work, thanking someone again never hurts!

LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: No, it's not necessary for you to do anything more, but how nice that you acknowledged the work and care that went into hosting a party. Some form of thanks is always appropriate, though.

HELEN'S ANSWER: What a lovely guest you are! The gift, card and sentence of thanks should be enough, unless you want to thank the hostess for something that happened at the party after you wrote your note.

In today's world, any gesture of kindness is so appreciated, and although it is not necessary for the hostess to write you a note thanking you for thanking her, it is still always appropriate to offer sincere thanks.

GUEST'S ANSWER: Hilarie Blaney, etiquette and international protocol consultant: Many years ago one of the highest honors was to be invited to a party. Therefore, bringing a hostess gift is a wonderful idea because it shows appreciation and thoughtfulness for being invited. Taking a gift that can be used in the home for entertaining, a beautiful orchid or fabulous candle are all gifts that are appreciated by all hostesses.

Your personal handwritten card means a lot to someone who has spent time and money planning and executing a party.

It is not necessary to write another thank-you note, nor is it for the hostess to thank you for thanking her.

To ask an etiquette question, email Helen at

Related Photos

<figure><img src="//" alt="Photo - " title=" "><figcaption> </figcaption></figure>
Helen Ford Wallace

Helen Ford Wallace is a columnist covering society-related events/news for The Oklahoman. She puts local parties online with daily updates. She creates, maintains and runs a Parties blog which includes web casts. She is an online web editor for... Read more ›

Lillie-Beth Brinkman

Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a Content Marketing Manager for the Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce. She was previously an assistant editor of The Oklahoman Read more ›

Callie Athey

Callie Athey is 20-something and is a graduate from the University of Oklahoma. She has worked in various positions, ranging from Event Coordinator to Environmental Health and Safety Assistant. Currently, Callie is an Executive Assistant to a... Read more ›