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20-40-60 Etiquette---Should I say I think your plastic surgery looks great?

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By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: My friend just had some plastic surgery on her face and neck. She has not talked about it and has not acknowledged it, but does accept compliments about how wonderful she looks. People tell her she looks “rested.” Should I say anything to her about it? I know she probably thinks I need to have it done too, but it is out of my budget for now. Is it polite to talk about “the work you have had done?“.

CALLIE'S ANSWER: No. Unless she brings it up, don't comment on it.

LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: I don't think you need to say anything unless she tells you. And your sensitivity to your own perceived need for plastic surgery doesn't mean she's thinking the same thing about you. After all, she hasn't told you about her own surgery, nor is she alluding to the fact that you need it. Let her have her privacy about her surgial work, and accept yourself - and your budget - the way you are. It's nice that she's accepting the compliments with grace and without feeling a need to explain further, since she doesn't want to share what she had done or why.

HELEN'S ANSWER: It is always wonderful to receive a sincere compliment. Tell her she looks great and if she does not come forth with why she looks great, then accept that as she does not want to talk about it. Some people are thrilled to tell you what they have had done in the way of cosmetic surgery. They also might want to tell you what you need, particularly if their surgery went well. We all want a more youthful look, or more beautiful skin and a better body shape and it is really up to the person having the surgery whether to discuss it, or not.
GUEST'S ANSWER: Christina Nihira, journalist and local community volunteer: Plastic surgery and acknowledgement of a procedure can be tricky business. These are cases that are best left for the "patient" to disclose any information. Like anything in life, you will find people who want to share everything and others who want to be a bit more discreet or say nothing. Your friend may not want to reveal that her reasons went beyond the norm. Maybe it was prompted because an underlying medical condition akin to benign tumor, thyroid disease or swollen nodes. Let her facilitate the conversation.

As for how you feel, head straight to the make-up counter and buy something that assuages your negative spirits.




Helen Ford Wallace

Helen Ford Wallace is a columnist covering society-related events/news for The Oklahoman. She puts local parties online with daily updates. She creates, maintains and runs a Parties blog which includes web casts. She is an online web editor for... Read more ›

Lillie-Beth Brinkman

Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a Content Marketing Manager for the Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce. She was previously an assistant editor of The Oklahoman Read more ›

Callie Athey

Callie Athey is 20-something and is a graduate from the University of Oklahoma. She has worked in various positions, ranging from Event Coordinator to Environmental Health and Safety Assistant. Currently, Callie is an Executive Assistant to a... Read more ›